Hungover texts I can't send to my ex
I miss you. I hope my bandana in the box of your shit makes you sick with how much you miss me. I hope the obvious care I put into the package makes you text me.
I wake up every morning and forget you're not here.
You were scared of how bad I'd get without you. It's not your fault that I got this bad. I never hated you. I hated the way I couldn't make myself detach.
I think I'll think about you for the rest of my life. I think I'll think of you on my wedding day.
I don't know why our breakup is affecting me worse than every other breakup I've been through. I don't know why I still have this knot in my chest when I talk about you.
It feels like I forgot how to be a person.
Are you being normal about this?Is your life moving on? Or are you stuck here like me.
Sometimes I think about paying an Etsy witch but that feels like a few miles too far.
I still think we'll get back to each other even though I'm not waiting for you to reach out anymore.
I feel like a dog with a new owner, waiting for it's previous owner to come back.
After feeling nothing for so long because of him, it's almost pleasurable to feel so gutted and have that belong to you.
I'd go through it all again just to keep you safe. You're still the leverage he holds over me. I'm not participating in the case as a witness because I can't risk him going after you because of it.
We were always gonna end, I just didn't think it would end like this.
I don't even believe in God anymore. I go to mass and all I can focus on are the sins I commit to keep myself safe. Does God believe in me? I took my crucifix off and I only put it back on when I'm going to church. I don't want to be a nun. How can I, when I don't even care enough to pull my rosary out of the box in my closet.
I don't know if I miss you or if I miss the person I was when I was with you. Does it even really matter which one it is?
I don't know if we could ever know each other again. I'm not the person I used to be. There's a before him and an after him. I look back at myself and see naïveté, I look at myself now and see a dispirited mess in the shape of a person.
The collar still sits on the shelf in my room. I haven't touched it since you took it off of me.
A lot of these feel like I'm dodging accountability. I know I fucked up. I know it's more my fault than yours. It's easier to be mad at you than to acknowledge that I got myself in the situation all by myself.
I don't care about the sex, I don't care about the 24/7, I just want to be ur dog again.
I feel like I'm going insane. I like Sammi I like the way she fucks me. I hate that the marks on my neck aren't yours.
I'm worried about you. I'm sad that I don't have that right anymore. I wish I could still step in and make things easier.
I want to be someone you could love again. I want to be someone that can love you again.