I realize that this isn't exactly what I described. I forgot that I wrote that one in my journal on paper and I don't feel like typing all of it out. This is a similar thing I wrote which also describes an afterlife, but was written more recently.
I called this, "After"
[[After, I hope it feels like coming home. I hope there’s a man who will give me everything I’ve ever wanted. I hope I feel good again. I hope I don’t have to be responsible for everything. I hope the expectations are low and I always surpass them. I hope I’m able to be who I am. I hope it’s like those fics I read where there’s a struggling sweet guy who gets saved by a nice, strong man who cares so much and is rich and can give me anything I need. Someone who needs to care as much as I need to be cared for. I hope I have a dick. I hope my body looks like me. And I can eat whatever I want and be the perfect size. I hope I’m delicate. I hope I’m the type of person people want to protect.
Or maybe it’s nothingness. It just ends. That would be okay too. To fall into a void and never have to be again. But I hope it’s not. I hope I get what I want. Cultures have different ideas of an afterlife based on what they think would be the ultimate experience. I just want to get what I need. I hope I’m loved. ]]
The specific fic I'm referring to is a bts bdsm-verse where Jungkook has a breakdown in a company bathroom and two more members find him and take care of him. They're a perfect match and all of Jungkook's desires are their desires and they're able to give him everything he aks for. I'm pretty sure it's called Daffodil.
Also I had relapsed hard into my anorexia which explains the weird comments about my body and being delicate and eating whatever I want.